I’m All Out Of Faith

By Daniel H. McCarty

“‘I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor.”  ‘Torn’ by Natalie Imbruglia

I spent two days last week in Asheville.  Most of the first day I spent taking photos in the River Arts District.  It’s a real Southern Industrial vibe.  Kudzu encroaching on crumbling 20’s and 30’s mills that have been converted to studios, a micro brew pub, woodshops and Baracks favorite BBQ in the  great state of Carolina, directly across the street..

I slipped into town and got a few shots of some of the classic architecture.

Jackson Bldg. Downtown Asheville

I stopped at Mellow Mushroom and had a Bell’s Two Hearted Ale and a Dogfish Head 60 Minute.  Two from the Top Ten List and if it isn’t in your Top Ten, than we need to talk…….Call me.

Two hours later I was questioning whether I should be making this a holiday in the pubs of Asheville.  I was tired and listless from the beer.  Time to switch gears.  What else makes this Asheville.

‘Just a stranger on a bus                                                                                                                                                          trying to make his way home’       One of us  by Joan Osborne

 

I drove the perimeter of Aston Park looking for a parking space.  Turns out it wasn’t a problem.  Wednesday before noon in the middle of May is not Rush Hour.  I saw Mose and Bud at a picnic table playing cribbage,  Bud grinned at me and Mose raised his hand in greeting without raising his eyes from the board,

“You will find him at his bench my friend.  How do you like the day we have given you?”  Bud chuckled

“Oh, its beautiful Bud.  I just don’t know who to thank.” I grinned and slipped him a four finger wave, thumb tucked.

 

 

Joe was looking right at me as I came around the Magnolia.  He knew.

“I sympathize with you.  I’ve seen it before but it doesn’t make it any less ugly.  When the Hooligans come out it’s normal to see it as the future.  It never lasts.  But in another 50 years it comes back around.’

God………………..Oh crap………it’s weird when someone is reading your mind, even if it’s…..uhm….uh

“Yes, I know.  But it was all over your face too.  No more Thumbs……we’ll just talk.”

“How did you know abou……………Uh……..never mind”

Joe smiled and spread his arms.  “Good to see you again.  Are you thinking it’s the season of the witch?”

“Well, am I?”

“I’ve turned that off Danny.  I’m looking forward to this.  I want to keep it equitable.”

 

“Yeah, I am.  I’ve never seen it this ugly before.  There is no more compromise.  Everyone is hunkered down behind their own bunker and they’re driving stakes.”

“Communication has ceased.   Too many people have just stopped paying attention.”

“Or, they never did.”

“Those that claim to be speaking for me, aren’t.  Why do you think that is?”

“Greed.  Material greed……egotistical greed.  The failure to recognize or appreciate misjudgment.”

“Yes………When the lesson is ripe.  When the bee sting sharpest.”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever wonder why I let you fall so hard?  Allowed you to suffer?”

“No, I don’t.  Not in a very long time.  That point was driven home years ago like  a Mack Truck.  I wish we had done a better job of sharing that one with our children.  No, we gave them 10 lane superhighways and a trophy for participating.”

“So Danny, is Trump on your mind?”

“The phenomenon as much as anything.  That whole bunch was a little frightening in their own right.   Legislating morals.  Unfortunately, it’s their definition of morality.”

“Trump has done a lot of us a service.  Exposing the Bigotry and greed at the heart of his party.  Too many thought we had come too far.  Not hardly.  Yet it is a last gasp.  There are generations that follow that have been raised under tolerance, be it social, political or sexual.“

Joe smiled, “I have faith in that.”

 

 

“Why do we get older?  Why can’t we stay at our age of Identification?”

“Can you name any of the political humorists in your country’s history?”

“Mark Twain, Will Rogers, George Carlin, Springsteen…..”

“Hmmmm.  That’s some old guys.  Good souls all.  Lot of wisdom.  .  .  .  lots of experience.  It isn’t just years but what came with the years.  It changes how you carry yourself.  The Mad Men have distorted the definition of beauty.”

“So it is.”

 

“You’ve been speaking through a veil.  All over the map.  You didn’t come here to talk about politics or getting older.””

It was the slightest of grins.  manifest more in my mind than my face,  He still picked up on it.  “You make it tough.   Not even a hint of BS allowed.   We all throw shade, but here, you can’t even turn that dial a micro millimeter.”

Joe chuckled, “You may find it emancipating.”

I shot him a “Huh?’

“I spent some time with Martin a few years back.”

“Oh.”

“I were you, I’d lay it on the table.”  Mose had settled in on the end of the bench and draped his arms over the bench back.

“I been thinking since we talked last year.  I know a bit about you.  I grew up in your house, cleaned the floors, sang in the choir, flirted with the sweet sisters of the congregation.  All the easy things.  And I plotted my escape.”

“Most of the heads in that congregation were asleep.  At least yours was entertaining.”

Mose was laughing, “Thass a fact.  Filter out the snippets of teenage butts and wet kisses and we found a pretty well written technical manual.  The story was there but you hadn’t learned to add in the empathy yet.”

“Isn’t it amazing how we are influenced?  Right acquaintance, right friend, right lover at the right time.  Opens our eyes as well as our hearts.”

“Yes Daniel.”

Joe reclined just slightly in the bench and crossed his hands across his abdomen.  He was wearing a white Guayabera  with pale grey stitching and when he stretched out his legs I noticed Navy China slippers  with    a green appliqué of the ‘Incredible Hulk’ sewed to the instep.

He saw me look.  “It’s best to just submit to a gift from Bud.  Everyone smiles.”

Bud was busting the slowest moves I had ever seen, undulating across the green.  “There is joy in simple things.”

Mose chuckled, “Philosopher in a Pork Pie.  I’m glad he found out that Jupiter ain’t never gonna align with Mars.”

Chuckles all around.  All eyes were on me.  Time to submit.

 

 

“You had it all.  You could have stashed it in some bank on the Cayman’s…..but you didn’t.

Untold billions have lived since the beginning.  Are they roasting in some hell in Borneo because they invested their faith in some other entity?

Where do you stand if you subtract the guilt?

Where does reality stop and where does a story with good legs start.

How much of this resides in my collective Unconscious?

Maybe we should all read “Memories Dreams and Reflections” instead of King James take on the question.

I have a real problem with exclusivity.  I have a real problem with suppression.  Any time I perceive the faithful following blindly.  .  .  .  I have a real problem.

Any vessel, mindset, philosophy, organization that has a few at the top interpreting and the masses at the bottom shouting Hallelujah.  .  .  .  .  I have a real problem.

I always saw the good.  I saw it in my father.  I also saw the frustration.”

 

“I have no feedback for you Daniel.  I’ll say this.  I am proud of you.

I had things to say.  Stories that needed to be passed on.  It has been rewritten many times.  Bud and I do not disagree on much.  We want you to be good to yourself and those around you.

The Commandments.  .  .  .  .  they were not new.  It is how we live among ourselves.  Some will bring you down.  They will not see you.

I don’t ask you to have faith in me.  .  .  .  .  I ask you to have faith in Humanity.

Be Human Daniel.  You’re getting there.”

“Have you seen the key to my roller skates, Danny Boy?”

 

There are no steadfast rules here.  Case in point.  What does Natalie have to do with the above?  I like it.  Something that came out and didn’t grab enough attention at the time and yet it still has real appeal.  Natalie with a big red  ^

DHM 3/18 – Bella Monteleone.
whistledownthewinddotorg1.wordpress.com